A partner’s guide to pregnancy: appointments, support and looking after yourself

If your partner is pregnant, you may feel like a spare part, or be quietly worried yourself. Both are normal. Here’s how to help, what to expect at appointments, and where to get support for you.

Going to appointments

The NHS says a partner can come to antenatal appointments if the pregnant person would like them to. NCT says a first pregnancy usually involves about 10 appointments, or seven if she has had a baby before, with two scans in hospital. The midwife may ask you to leave the room for a short time. NCT notes this is routine and protects every pregnant person. See the pregnancy to-do list.

A partner might have the right to unpaid time off to go to 2 antenatal appointments, up to 6.5 hours for each appointment (Acas; the GOV.UK paternity page says the same). See pregnancy rights at work and paternity and shared parental leave.

How to support her

NCT suggests:

talk together about your hopes and fears about becoming parents
agree together when to tell other people (see when to tell people)
research birth options, financial support, leave entitlements and antenatal classes
help with food, and look after other children so she can get to appointments

Learn the warning signs too, so you know when to ring the maternity unit. See signs of labour and pre-eclampsia. When the time comes, the dad’s guide to being the ultimate birth partner has practical tips.

Your own feelings

NCT says the focus often shifts to the pregnant person and the baby, which can feel confusing, and some dads feel ignored or left out. Sharing your worries with your partner, a friend or family member may help, and midwives can listen and point you to services. Meeting other dads or co-parents can also help, for example at antenatal classes.

If you’re struggling, the PANDAS Foundation offers support for dads and partners, including group support, a monthly call for dads and a free bookable call service. PANDAS also lists the Samaritans on 116 123 (day or night), CALM on 0800 58 58 58 and Mind Infoline on 0300 123 3393 (9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday). If you’re in danger or someone is at immediate risk, call 999.

Having a baby affects both of you. Feeling low, anxious or overwhelmed is common, and it’s worth telling your GP.

Questions people ask

Can I go to the scans?

The NHS says partners can come to appointments if the pregnant person wants them to. Hospital policies on scans can vary, so check with your unit.

Do I get time off work for appointments?

A partner might have the right to unpaid time off for 2 antenatal appointments, up to 6.5 hours each (Acas).

Is it normal to feel anxious or left out?

Yes. NCT says many dads feel left out or unsure. Talking to your partner, a friend or your midwife can help.

Where can I get help?

PANDAS Foundation supports dads and partners. The Samaritans are on 116 123 at any time.