When to tell people you’re pregnant, and who to tell first

There’s no rule about when to tell people you’re pregnant. Some people share straight away, and others wait until after their scan. Here are the things worth thinking about.

It’s your decision

Tommy’s says that when you tell people about your pregnancy is your decision. Many people wait until after the 12-week scan, because the chance of miscarriage goes down after the first trimester. The NHS says many women tell their employer after 12 weeks, once the risk of miscarriage has reduced and they’ve had their first scan.

Others tell people much sooner. Tommy’s notes that the first 12 weeks can be a time when you need support and may want to share with close friends and family. That might be because you feel unwell, or because you’d want people around you if something went wrong.

Questions to ask yourself

Would I want support if I lost the pregnancy? If so, it may help to tell the people you’d turn to.
Am I struggling with symptoms? Sickness and exhaustion are hard to hide. See when morning sickness stops.
Can I trust this person to keep it private? Once it’s out, you can’t control who they tell.
Do I have a reason to tell someone sooner? For example, your job, a health condition or a partner.

If you’ve had a loss before

Tommy’s suggests that if you’ve experienced baby loss, you may want to tell people straight away so they can support you. That is also a perfectly good choice. There’s no ‘right’ way, and you can decide differently this time. See trying again after a miscarriage.

Telling your employer

GOV.UK says you need to tell your employer at least 15 weeks before the week your baby is due (about 25 weeks into your pregnancy), or as soon as you reasonably can if that isn’t possible. Some people wait until after the 12-week scan, and others tell them sooner. Telling them earlier can help you get support and adjustments. Once you’ve told them, your employer should assess risks to your health and safety at work, and you can attend antenatal appointments in paid work time, which you can’t be sure of before you tell them. If you’re ill with a pregnancy-related illness in the 4 weeks before your due date, your maternity leave and pay start automatically. It’s a good idea to tell them in writing and keep a copy. Tommy’s says you need to notify your employer in writing to have health and safety protection at work. Our full guide is telling your employer you’re pregnant.

Telling your midwife or GP

You can contact your GP surgery or midwife as soon as you know. The NHS says you can share the news with your GP or ask for a midwife appointment. If you have a long-term health condition, let your specialist or GP know as soon as possible so they can review your care and medicines. See your first midwife appointment.

Ways to share the news

Tell one or two trusted people first, then widen the circle.
Say how you’d like them to handle it, for example ‘please keep it between us for now’.
Hold off on social media until you’re ready for everyone, including colleagues and distant relatives, to see it.

Questions people ask

Do I have to wait until 12 weeks?

No. That’s a common choice, not a rule.

What if I’ve told people and then lose the pregnancy?

It’s okay to need the people you told. Telling them can mean you have support when you most need it. If you need to talk, Miscarriage UK is on 0303 003 6464.

Should I tell my partner’s family or mine first?

There’s no right order. Do whatever feels right for you.

Do I have to tell my boss when I’m 12 weeks?

No. GOV.UK says you need to tell your employer at least 15 weeks before the week your baby is due (about 25 weeks into your pregnancy), or as soon as you reasonably can if that isn’t possible. Telling them earlier can help you get support and time off for appointments.