Coping with a negative pregnancy test

If you were hoping for a positive, a negative test can feel crushing, especially if you’ve been trying for a while. However you feel is OK, and you don’t have to go through it on your own.

It’s normal to feel this way

Sadness, disappointment, anger, frustration, even jealousy when friends announce their news: these are all common. The cycle of hope in the two week wait and then a negative result or a period can be exhausting, month after month.

Partners can feel it too, sometimes in different ways or at different times. It can help to talk about how you’re each feeling, even if you deal with it differently.

If you tested early

A negative before your period is due isn’t always the final answer. If your period hasn’t come, test again in a few days. Read false negative pregnancy tests

Small things that can help

Give yourself time. It’s fine to have a quiet day, cry, or step back from social media.
Talk to someone. Your partner, a friend, or someone who understands. You don’t have to put on a brave face.
Plan the next two week wait. Put things in the diary that have nothing to do with trying for a baby.
Decide when you’ll test next time, and try to stick to it. Testing very early can mean more negatives, and more ups and downs.
Keep looking after yourself. Carry on taking folic acid, and do the things that help you feel more like you.
Try not to blame yourself. It’s very unlikely that anything you did in the two week wait stopped a pregnancy.

Our guide to the two week wait has more ideas for getting through it, and is there anything you can do to help implantation? explains which tips are myths.

Other people’s news and questions

Pregnancy announcements, baby showers and questions like “so when are you two having kids?” can be hard when you’re trying. It’s OK to protect yourself:

mute or unfollow accounts for a while if social media is making things harder
skip an event, or go for a short time, if that feels easier
have a short answer ready for nosy questions, like “we’ll see” or “not something I want to talk about today”
tell one or two people you trust what’s going on, so you have someone to talk to on the bad days

You can be happy for a friend and sad for yourself at the same time.

Remember it can take time

More than 8 in 10 couples where the woman is under 40 get pregnant within a year of having regular sex without contraception. Not getting pregnant in the first few months is very common, and doesn’t mean something is wrong.

When to see your GP

If you haven’t got pregnant after a year of trying.
Sooner if you’re 36 or over, or you already know there may be a fertility problem, for example irregular or no periods.
If you’re using donor sperm or insemination, for example as a same-sex couple or on your own, NICE guidance says you should be offered a fertility assessment if you haven’t conceived after 6 cycles of insemination.
Any time it’s affecting your mental health, or you’d like to talk it through.

After a negative result in fertility treatment

A negative test after IVF or IUI can be devastating, especially after the time, money and hope you’ve put in. The NHS says it’s important to give yourself time to recover. Fertility clinics licensed by the HFEA must offer you the chance to talk to a counsellor before treatment, and the NHS says clinics should offer this during and after treatment too. Some clinics charge, so ask yours.

Looking after your mental health

If you feel low or anxious most of the time, or it’s affecting your sleep, work or relationships, talk to your GP. In England, you can also refer yourself to an NHS talking therapies service without seeing a GP.

If you feel you can’t cope or you’re thinking about harming yourself, call 999 or go to A&E if you’re in danger now. For urgent help, call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option (in Wales, press 2; in Northern Ireland, call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000), or call Samaritans free on 116 123, day or night.

Where to find support

Fertility Action is a UK fertility charity with online and in-person peer support groups for anyone trying to conceive.
British Infertility Counselling Association has a directory of accredited fertility counsellors.
The HFEA, the UK fertility regulator, lists support organisations, including online communities and relationship support, on its HFEA: getting emotional support page.
Tommy’s midwives run a free helpline on 0800 0147 800, Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm. It covers planning for pregnancy and mental health.

Questions people ask

Is it normal to cry when my period comes?

Yes. When you’ve been hoping, a period can feel like a loss every month. Those feelings are real and you don’t need to talk yourself out of them.

How long does it take to get pregnant?

It varies, but more than 8 in 10 couples where the woman is under 40 get pregnant within a year of regular sex without contraception.

Should we take a break from trying?

Some people find it helps to take a break from tracking and testing for a month or two, and others don’t want to lose any time. There’s no right answer. If age or time is a worry, talk to your GP.

Who should we see about fertility tests?

Start with your GP. They can arrange first tests for you both and refer you to a fertility clinic if needed.